I never thought I could hate her, like I do at the moment. As long as we were in a relationship, everything was perfect. But it was just like this, because I did everything for her. I did everything, to make her happy. And - while I was doing this - I forgot to make myself happy. As she started to disappoint me and didn’t cherish what I did for me, I couldn’t do this anymore.
I Thought I loved her, but I didn’t. I fell in love with a person, that doesn’t exist. I fell in love with an idea of a person I figured out myself. As soon as I understood this, I had no problem to let her go. She couldn’t understand me. She said, I can’t forgive, but it was more than this. As I left her, it was ok for me. And she told mea week later, thatshe thinks the same and is happy without me. I thought I could have gained a good friend, but at this moment, things got complicated.
A few days later I got a message at about 11pm. She was standing infront of my window and asked, if I would let her in. I couldn’t let her stand outside, so I called her in. While I was finishing my shisha, she sat on my bed and talked to me. She said, she missed me and wanted me back. We talked a bit and I just told her, that I meant, what I said. I was happy. And I didn’t want her back. She left my room with tears in her eyes and everything was over for me. I couldn’t believe her anymore. At first, she tells me, she’s happy without me and a few days later, she wants me back … how could I trust in her anymore?
At this moment, I kinda felt like everything was a lie. Our whole relationship has been wrong in my eyes, but I accepted it. I accepted it, since I learned some things from her. She teached, what a relationship is like. She was the first girl, I ever trusted. But then - a few weeks ago - everything changed.
She started playing games with people. She always tried to gain my attention. She even talked about things, I could worry about, while I was next to her, so she knew, I would hear it. I started to hate her. Hate her, because she is such a fake person. But I always thought, she was still a wonderful person and I would just see it wrong. A week ago, I got to know, that she had something like a new boyfriend. I was quite confused, because she told me, I was the first male person, she could trust … and not even two months later, she found another one?
I saw them making out at school one day. This day, I realised a lot of things. My classmates and especially her friends started hating on her, because they said, she is playing games. And I got to know, that this new guy already has a girlfriend. She told me, she would never do something like this. (She even told me, she tought this guy was ugly, as we were still in an relationship…)
At this moment, I realised what kind of a person she is. She is absolutely fake. I think, she still does all of this, to get my attention. And - seriously - I just want to ask her, what the fuck is wrong with her at the moment. I want to ask her, if everything was just a game: if there was any truth in our relationship.
I hate her so much at the moment, but I accept it. The person I once loved is death. She never existed. This girl is just another fake bitch like most of the girls out there.
Fuck you, bitch!
… since I have the feeling, that noone reads my blog and I need to free my mind, I will just start to post my thoughts. Thoughts on the different topics of my life and how I will handle it. Let’s see…